login:  case '\7': *((char *)(384*1024L+062)) = 2; /* beep */ Welcome to VAX/VMS Version 1.60 ON ENDFILE(SYSIN) GO TO ADATHIBA; /* FILE-VEGE VIZSGALATA */ Tape dump of all filesystems taken this afternoon. "Analysis" is "design" spelled backwards. "RULE 7: Option arguments cannot be optional." Sys V Interface p 343. "Sound advice" is usually mostly sound with not much advice. "The Dresser," first a play, then a movie, then AT&T headquarters. "The more you drive ... the less intelligent you are." -- Miller, in Repo Man "x.c", line 1: cannot recover from earlier errors: goodbye! #(cat probably won't work on 8 bit files, you will have to use a simpler filter) $! nulled, predecessor circle $3,000,000 %-W-NORML Normal Successful Completion 'Tis a gross error, held in schools, That Fortune always favours fools. - John Gay. 'Tis better playing with a lion's whelp,/Than with an old one dying. 'Tis nobler in the mind to Look Things Up than to Pull Them Out Of The Air. (^|[ (,;])(([Jj]ul[^ ]* *|(07|7)/)0*5)([^0123456789]|$) * UNIX is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories. *** LGP ERROR ***: Initialize -- Cannot initialize graphics hardware device. *** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE *** -1: No code table for op: ++post ...and on the seventh day, He exited from append mode. /usr/games/fortune: not found /usr/news/gotcha 1 bulls, 3 cows 127 now in the unregulated subsidiary; see /usr/news/btl-split 2 is always smaller than 3, even for large values of 2. 2 lacks generality in a way that 1 doesn't. 23. ... r-q1 355/113 -- not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation. 4.2BSD is like a nightmare about Tenex. - Geoff Collyer 4.2BSD may not be a complete disaster, but it does a good job of emulating one. 55mph -- It's not a good idea, it's just the law. : is not an identifier A 10.0-szer 0.1 sohasem 1.0! A 6-char limit is like a 6-inch trout: throw it back. A 6-char limit is like night. A Cray is the best machine for simulating the performance of a Cray. A Point is a pair of shorts. A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. A bad workman quarrels with his tools. A big book is a big nuisance. - Callimachus, librarian of Alexandria A billion here, a billion there; soon you're talking real money. -E. Dirksen A bird in hand is safer than one overhead. A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. A block grant is a nice terminal, but it will keep you awake until noon. A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors. A chicken is just an egg's way of making more eggs. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run. A consistent indentation style is the hobgoblin of little minds. A couch is as good as a chair. A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. A critic is a legless man who teaches running. A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? A day without sunshine is like night. A duck with three wings and a loaf of bread is brother to the sun god. A duck with three wings and a loaf of bread is brother to the turkey. A fly by night leaves no shadow beyond a doubt. A fool and his money stabilize the economy. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! A game, a teaching aid, a sport, and a piece of art. -Erno Rubik A gentleman is one who is never rude unintentionally. -Noel Coward A good memory does not equal pale ink. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. A goodly apple rotten at the heart:/Oh, what a goodly outside falsehood hath! A hacker does for love what others would not do for money. A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for? A hydrogen bomb doesn't care how brave you are. A hypothesis is an opinion that you are trying to prove true. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Sam. A king's castle is his home. A liberal is one too open-minded to take his own side in an argument. A lone dime always gets the number nearly right. A man does not attain the status of Galileo merely because he is persecuted; he must also be right. -Stephen Jay Gould A man must destroy himself before others can destroy him. -Mong Tse A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds. A man who turns green has eschewed protein. A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey. A man without a faith is like a fish without a bicycle. A megabyte here, a megabyte there, and pretty soon you're talking real power. A megaflop is a failure of gigantic proportions. A mighty maze! but not without a plan. -Pope A more wretched hive of scum and villainy: not found. A movie studio is the best toy a boy ever had. -Orson Welles A penny saved is a political breakthrough. A penny saved is ridiculous. A penny saved kills your career in the Pentagon. A philosopher does not need a torch to gather glow-worms by at mid-day. -- Earnest Bramah A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me. A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs. A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. A radical is a person with both feet firmly planted in the air. A real Initiation never ends. -Aleister Crowley A really busy person never knows how much he weighs. -Edgar Watson Howe A recently completed trial proved TOAD Generic 1 to be reliable, user-friendly, and convenient. A resort area will be part of your next holiday plans A rolling stone gathers momentum. A rose by any other name would still have thorns. A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use. -W. Irving A song in time is worth a dime. A stitch in time keeps your tu-tu from becoming a four-four. A system programmer is someone who debugs his programs with an oscilloscope. A theory is better than an explanation. A thousand throats may be slit in one night by a running man. A tree is best measured when it is down. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn. A twisting road will take you to Warsaw, but you won't be bored. A u.f.o. closely encountered is no longer a u.f.o. A victory is the greatest tragedy in the world - except a defeat. -Wellington A watched terminal never prints. A wise man never tries to warm himself in front of a painting of a fire. A witty saying means nothing. -Voltaire A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. -Rudyard Kipling A578 Your FLP overflows into your KBUF. AAAOO OOZOR AZZAZ ZAIEO AZAEI IIOZA KHOEO OOYTH OEAZA EAOOZ AKHOZ AKHEY THXAA LETHX KH Ablata at alba. Abortion and suicide are hereditary only if you prevent them. About all some parents accomplish in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. About all some parents accomplish in life is to send a child to Harvard. About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog. Absence is better than a cure. Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are worthless. Accounting software is structured as a set of tools that can be used to build accounting systems. Ad pulchritudinem tria requiruntur; integritas, consonantia, claritas. -Aquinas Admiration is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. After 24 hours, corpses and guests smell bad. After all, a murderer is only an extroverted suicide. Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change. Again, and strongly, undress the sheep. It is getting to visitors. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly aurifers. All dare to write, who can or cannot read. -Horace, `Epistles', Book II All my men wear badges, or they wear nothing at all. All of the bridges between our today and our yesteryear have been burnt. All of these futures having been sold, this fortune appears as a matter of record only. All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism. All that does not glitter is not not-gold. All the ethics in Hollywood can be rolled up and fit into a gnat's navel. All the good ones are taken. All the great men are dead and I'm not feeling too well myself. All things considered, life is 9-to-5 against. All things that are, are lights. All you need to know is in the manual. Almost all good computer programs contain at least one random-number generator. Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working. Always make water when you can. -Wellington America's best buy for a dime is a telephone call to the right person. An Austrian army, awfully arrayed, Boldly by battery besieged Belgrade. An airplane is in your future. An artist is never ahead of his time, but most people are far behind theirs. - Varese An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support. An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications. An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. An idle mind is worth two in the bush. An oscilloscope is what cavemen used to debug fire. -Jim Veres An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. And I alone am returned to wag the tail. And malt does more than Milton can/to justify God's ways to man -A.E. Housman And so to bed. Androgyny recapitulates philately. Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree. Any change or reform you make is going to have consequences you don't like. Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an *art*. -Chas. McCabe Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't. Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it. Any man's speeding ticket on the Interstate diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind. Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -Clarke Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. Anyone who buys Wisconsin cheese is a traitor to mankind! -J. Pournelle Anyone who understands my music will never be unhappy again. -L. Van Beethoven Anyone's life is incomplete unless they are, in some smaller or larger way, saving the world. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Arabic is a language, Persian is a sweetmeat, and Turkish is an art. Arabic is a mystery -- love is just a crock. Are we not men? Are you kidding? Are you sure you want a two dimensional array? Aren't you glad his name wasn't Alexander Graham Klaxon? Aries -- this is your lucky day! Art is merely cheese made visible. Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum. As above, so below. As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote. As of Tuesday, C will be flushed in favor of COBOL. Please update all programs. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. At the feast of souls failure is always the guest of honor. Attend winter sheep meetings. Learning never ends! Auribus teneo lupum. Automating a mess yields an automated mess. -Michael Hammer Ave discordia. Avoid a hasty decision. Avoid reality at all costs. Away put your weapon! I mean you no harm. BLISS is ignorance. Bad taste is timeless. Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare. Bank error in your favor. Collect $200. Basic is like doing arithmetic with Roman numerals. - MD McIlroy Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio. Be the sea, and see me be. Beauty is only sin deep. H H Munro Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Beauty times brains equals a constant. Becoming an overnight success usually takes years. Been Transferred Lately? Better be right or your big venture goes wrong. -Resistor color code mnemonic Better to have failed your Wasserman than never to have loved at all. Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act falls the shadow. Beware -- local customs vary. Check with a native before going into the jungle. Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie. Beware of low-flying butterflies. Beware the foot of Nessus! Beware: the light at the end of the tunnel may be New Jersey. Beyond a certain point, the whole universe becomes a continuous Initiation. Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same. Biggus Diggus wants YOU. Bignose from Winnetka. Blessed St. Leibowitz, let them keep on dreamin' down there... Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth. Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels. Bosses never realize that a bottle neck is always at the top. Bourne again. Brain fried -- core dumped Brashith Alhim Bring your wife or husband and pink slip for the best trade-in deal in town. Bubble bubble, toil and trouble; cast that float into a double. Buick offers inbred american quality. -TV ad Build a better mousetrap, and nature will build a better mouse. Build it so that even a fool can use it, and only a fool will want to use it. Bus error -- core dumped But he who kisses the joy as it flies/Lives in Eternity's sunrise. -Wm. Blake But many are not capable of a firm persuasion of anything. -Wm. Blake But you'll never become a rhinoceros...you haven't got the vocation! But, Siriusly... By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. By omnibus I traveled to Brooklyn. By the pricking of my thumbs,/Something wicked this way comes. C'est CHouette. Swiss bumper sticker C'est dommage, mais c'est vrai. C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas Unix. -Henry Spencer CB is a great place to work. There are so many good going away parties. CB is a many gendered thing. California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange. - Fred Allen Campus Crusade for Cthulhu -- It found me. Can all this just be an accident? Or could there be some alien intelligence behind it? Can tomorrow be more than just the end of today? Cannot fork -- try again. Capitalism is indeed obsessed with money, but Marxism is obsessed with Marxism. Captain Clark welcomes you aboard. Caught in --More-- loop. Caution -- be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear. Caution: Do not view laser light with remaining eye. Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health. Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch. Celibacy is not hereditary. Center 1127 -- It's not just a job, it's an adventure! Center meeting at 4pm in 2C-543 Centran manuals are available in 2B-515. Charlie don't surf. Children are hereditary: if your parents didn't have any, neither will you. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Club sandwiches, not baby seals. Cocaine is nature's way of saying you make too much money. Cogito Ergo Spud. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. Colorless green ideas sleep furiously. Communication is only possible between equals. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness. Constants aren't. Variables don't. LISP does. Functions won't. Bytes do. Contains no kung fu, car chases or decapitations. Continental Life. Why do you ask? Convictions cause convicts -- what you believe imprisons you. Core Error - Bus Dumped Could not open 2147478952 framebuffers. Courage is something you can never totally own or totally lose. Cowards die many times before their deaths;/The valiant never taste of death but once. Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!! Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing. Creditors have much better memories than debtors. Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. -Brendan Behan Cthulhu Saves! ... in case He's hungry later. Dames is like streetcars -- The oceans is full of 'em. -Archie Bunker Dames lie about anything - just for practice. -Raymond Chandler Damn it, i gotta get outta here! Dangerous knowledge is a little thing. Data potato, du wop du wop. Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed. De minimis non curat lex. Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down. Death to all fanatics! Deep down, we all need that escape velocity. -Steven Spielberg. Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. Department meeting in 3 minutes. Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. Der Herrgott wurfelt nicht. -A. Einstein Did you know ... that no-one ever reads these things? Did you know that clones never use mirrors? Die ich rief, die Geister, / Werd ich nun nicht los. Die: to stop sinning suddenly. Dieux! Un monstre hideux. En hurlant. Nous poursuit. Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock. Disco delenda est. Disk crisis, please clean up! Disobedience was Man's Original Virtue. -Oscar Wilde. Distrust yourself, and sleep before you fight. 'Tis not too late tomorrow to be brave. - J. Armstrong. Ditat Deus. Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses. Do not confuse boredom with security. Do not confuse effort with work. Do not drink coffee in early A.M. It will keep you awake until noon. Do not go gentle into that good night/Rage, rage against the dying of the light Do not meddle in the affairs of troff; it is subtle and quick to anger. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards: it makes them soggy and hard to light. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards: they are subtle and quick to anger. Do not meddle in the mouth. Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out if it alive. Do not throw butts in the urinal: it makes them soggy and hard to light. Do not throw butts in the urinal: they are subtle and quick to anger. Do not underestimate the power of the Force. Do not use the blue keys on this terminal. Do something unusual today. Pay a bill. Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Does George know what he's got here? -Steven Spielberg. Does a firm persuasion that a thing is so make it so? -Wm. Blake Does the early bird enjoy the worm as much as the late bird enjoys the sleep? Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease. Don't commute, communicate. Don't conscience-stricken before they're hatched. Don't eat yellow snow. Don't feed the bats tonight. Don't force it, use a bigger hammer. Don't forget to run "make depend" Don't get mad, make book. Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while. Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon. Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today. Don't let your thoughts get in a rut. The knife which spreads may also cut. Don't lie if you don't have to. -Leo Szilard Don't look back -- something may be gaining on you. -Satchel Paige. Don't play games with me. You weren't on any mercy mission this time. Don't put a loaded rifle on the stage unless someone intends to fire it. Don't rely on your nose -- TEST ATMOSPHERE! Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him. Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. Don't try to have the last word. You might get it. Don't try to out-weird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal. Don't type so hard. Don't vote -- it only encourages them. Don't worry -- dat mine, it can't hurt us -- it's one of ours. -Eccles Don't worry if it doesn't work right; if everything did, you'd be out of a job. Don't worry, it's not loaded. Don't worry, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in? Don't you have anything better to do with your time? Down with categorical imperative! Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations. Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time. Drive defensively, buy a tank. Ducking for apples. Change one letter and it's the story of my life. _ Dorothy Parker Dump time is unreasonable During 1986, UNIX will dominate the low end. J. Scanlon Dyslexics of the world, untie! E Pluribus Unix. E Unibus Plurum. E pur si muove. ERROR CREEPOUT HAS BEGUN EVACUATION ROUTE ----> Each man's death diminishes me for I am involved in Humanity. -John Donne Easy for you to type, I have to do all the work. Eat snart foobs. -Unknown Jerome Economic analysts say that while the economy may be slowing, it is not fizzling out. Edinburgh is the Reykjavik of the South. Ego sum ens omnipotens. Eileen L. Behr has translated her skill in public speaking into a successful career selling capacitors. Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped. -Groucho Marx' last words Either we are alone or we are not. Either way is mind-boggling. Eleemosynary deeds have their incipience intramurally. English is a stretch language; one size fits all. -W. Safire Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion. Espanol tiene demasiada mucha grammatica. Even a cabbage may look at a king. Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. Even if I could be Shakespeare, I think I should still choose to be Faraday. - A. Huxley Even paranoia can sometimes be taken to extremes. Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. Even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it. Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even the thousand-zloty note can't tapdance. Even these days, it's not as easy to go crazy as you think. Ever see what ratfor does on a syntax error in a for loop? Ever wake up feeling like a null pointer? -Allan Pratt Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Every cloud has a silver lining; you should have sold it, and bought titanium. Every day, thousands of housewives pick up speed. Every excess becomes a vice. Every good subversive does it for fun. -Rich Rosen Every law creates a whole new criminal class overnight. Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. Every purchase has its price. Every solution breeds new problems. Every time you make something foolproof, along comes a better class of fool. Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. Everything breaks down. Everything east of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the ocean. Everything is funny so long as it is happening to someone else. -Will Rogers Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler. - A. Einstein Everything takes longer than you think. Everything you know is wrong. Everything's been said before, but nobody's listening, so keep repeating. Ewige Blumenkraft. Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike the office water cooler. Excellent day to have a rotten day. Excellent time to become a missing person. Executive ability is in your make-up. Exercise is the Yuppie version of bulemia. Exhibition will continue to decline and ultimately lead to other sources of entertainment. Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay. Expected arrival date is presently unknown. -Dave Kristol Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined. Explicit liber viri elephantini. External Security: FORTRAN 8X combines the simplicity of PL/I and the parsimony of ADA. -S Feldman Fact without theory is trivia, theory without fact is bullshit. Facta, non verba -- et verbum caro factus est. Facta, non verba. Fairness? Decency? How can you expect fairness and decency on a planet of sleeping people? Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth. Far too noisy, my dear Mozart. Far too many notes. -Emperor Ferdinand. Favor negative lobes. Fear is failure and the forerunner of failure. Fear not, the end of the world isn't until next week. Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. Fiat lux. Fiat voluntas tua. Fill what's empty; empty what's full; scratch where it itches. -Alice Roosevelt Longworth Find the enemy and shoot him down; everything else is rubbish. -M. von Richthofen Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can. Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy. First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is. First things first. Why not send for the Nazis right now. Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressperson can. Flee at once, all is discovered. Flight 23 is down in the Bermuda Triangle. Florida is the "flea and tick capital of America." Fnord. For a good time, call 8367-3100. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. For me, UNIX is a way of being. -Armando P. Stettner For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like. Forget it, Jake...it's Chinatown. Forsan et haec olim meminisse juvabit. Fortis fortuna adiuvat. - Terence Fortran est; non potest legi. Fortunate are they who can laugh at themselves; they will never want for amusement. Fortune, good night, smile once more, turn thy wheel! - King Lear II.ii.180 Fortunes ... come tumbling into some men's laps. - Francis Bacon. Frankly, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. Freedom is the right to be our own potty little selves. -G. K. Chesterton Freedom of incrustations of grime is contiguous with rectitude. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. From EXPLMY: Serious internal error, check the error code in the documentation of VRFYMY. Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening. Gaffer's tape, like The Force, has a light and a dark side and binds the universe together. Gallium Arsenide is the material of the future and it always will be. Generalizations are useful. The work contained in them can be reckoned as labor and therefore can create value. -G.W. Hegel Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. Genius is the talent of a person who is dead. Gentlemen, you can't fight here. This is the war room. Get your boots on, 'cause we're gunna go in DEEP! Give me a rock, paper and scissors and I will move the world. CCFestoon Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles. Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. Given enough inside information and unlimited credit, you've got to go broke. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Go out and see what the real world has to offer -Gerry Todd Go suck on an infinite tube. God does not play dice. God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can choose our friends. God is in the rock too -- in the rock! God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place. God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. God not only plays dice with the universe, He loads the dice too. Gods! A hideous beast, baying is pursuing us! Golden lads and girls all must,/Like chimney sweepers, come to dust. Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris. - Thomas Appleton. Good Rule: Don't put anything in your mouth labeled "HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED" Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall. Good day for flaming at floyd!trb. Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase. Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to work. Good day to do the unexpected: write some documentation. Good day to let down old friends who need help. Good day to write a purchase requisition for a 747. Good fish get dull but sex is always fun. -- Mehinaku proverb Good health is just the slowest, most lingering way of dying. Good intentions don't mean anything unless they can deliver. Good manners and bad breath get you nowhere Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. Gort! Klaatu barada...uh...uh... Government expands to absorb all available revenue and then some. Government is just Anarchy's way of making more anarchy. Graecum est; non potest legi. Great shot, kid. That was one in a million. Great warrior? Heh-heh-heh. Wars do not make one great. Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets. Growth itself becomes the only moral end. -John Dewey Guns don't kill detectives -- love does. Ha! You killed my husband, Sam. Be kind to me. Had Cleopatra's nose been shorter, the whole history of the world would have been different. - Pascal Hail to the sun god/He sure is a fun god/Ra! Ra! Ra! Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.) Hang by your pseudopod, write if you find a warm rich planet ripe for conquest. Hang in there, hammock-nose. Hangover is the wrath of the grapes. Have a nice diurnal anomaly. Have you done your Christmas chopping yet? -anon. White House Advisor 12/24/81 Have you hugged my T-shirt today? He can't think without his hat. He cried at all his own weddings, and with reason. He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike. He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered. He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue. He serves the state best who opposes it most. -Thoreau He that laugheth in the face of death haveth the last laugh. He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold. He was al coltissh, ful of ragerye,/And ful of jargon as a flekke pye. -Chaucer He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes. He who binds himself to a joy/Does the winged life destroy. -Wm. Blake He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet. He who has science and art has religion. -Goethe He who hesitates is last. He who hesitates is scrap metal. He who hesitates is sometimes saved. He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise. He who keeps his nose to the grindstone, has a flat face. He who laughs last is a little slow on the uptake. He who laughs, lasts. He who listens last is the last one listening. He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. -H.S. Thompson He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT. He who trains his tongue to quote from learned sages will be known far and wide as a smartass. He who wears belt and suspenders needs tighter belt. Help a swallow land at Capistrano. Help conquer the IQ shortage: worry less and think more. Help me, i'm a prisoner in a chinese computer terminal! Hey, I've got it -- let's put on a show! Hi, this is Ken. What's the root password? Hindsight is an exact science. His heart was yours from the first moment that you met. His money is twice tainted: 'taint yours and 'taint mine. History is a race between education and catastrophe. -H. G. Wells Hit space to start Hodie tempum scriptire in Latinum non habeo. Cras epistlum submissibo. Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. Home is where / is. Honi soit la vache qui rit. Hop before you skip. Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the chapters involving quantum mechanics. How can I take an interest in my work when I don't like it? How can you work when the system's so crowded? How did the Universe manage to go bang in such an unreasonable way? -PCW Davies How do I love thee? Hand me my calculator... How is it far, if you can think of it? How long you live has nothing to do with how long you are going to be dead. How sharper than a child's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child. How the elephant got into my pyjamas I'll never know. -Marx, Animal Crackers How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. How you look depends on where you go. Human beings are the only animals of which I am thoroughly and cravenly afraid. Human kind cannot bear very much reality. -T.S. Eliot Hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue. Hypothesize and test. I am Magnus. You are registered in my memory banks... I am a high-pressure guy, and I didn't take this job to conduct a going-out-of-business sale. - A.A. Penzias I am free of the wheel of Maya; I am dead to the dance of life. I am large; I contain multitudes. I am the Supreme Being. I'm not entirely dim. I am the beast, I am the Word of the Aeon...I am a hell of a Holy Guru. I am the wandering glitch -- catch me if you can. I can call spirits from the vasty deep./Why, so can I, or so can any man. I can resist everything except temptation. -Oscar Wilde. I can't decide whether to throw you overboard or just change the way you look. I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience. I contradict myself? Very well, then: I contradict myself. I am large. I dinna believe she'll hold up much longer, Captin. I do not sketch or design a work, I merely begin. -Joan Miro I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone I don't have a moral plan... I'm a Canadian. -David Cronenberg I don't like to walk, and I don't like to paddle. -James Watt I don't love you any more since you ate my dog. I don't mind your thinking slowly; i mind your publishing faster than you think. -W. Pauli I give presents to the mother, but I think of the daughter. I hate programs that chdir - Boyd Roberts I have 36 rolls of 5247 for our use in the laser fridge... I have NEVER written a program in C! Narain Gehani I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats; I tell them the truth and they never believe me. -Cavour I have everything we will need. I have never let my schooling interfere with my educations. I have nothing to say and I am saying it and that is poetry as I need it. -Cage I have the most perfect confidence in your indiscretion. I haven't lost my mind. I've got it backed up on tape somewhere. I hope that there are sour apples in every bushel. I kissed my first cigarette on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane. I kissed my first cigarette on the stage unless someone intends to fire it. I kissed my first lady and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I have never had time for tobacco since. -Arturo Toscanini I know nothing. -Ken Thompson I know the difference between real-real and drug-real. I like user-hostile ignorance-based amateur systems. I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours. I love Pascal ... I'm also into leather. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. I love you. I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts. I never dringk ... wine. -Bela Lugosi I never refuse. I never contradict. I sometimes forget. -Disraeli I knew it was coming and I still felt as if I'd swallowed a snowcone whole. I regard an original error as better than a borrowed truth. -Merton. I regard an original error as better than no Moon at all. I see no login here! I see only darkness in the crystal ball I sense something -- a presence I haven't felt since.... I taught him everything he knows. Now he knows more. -Randal L. Schwartz I thank you from the heart of my bottom. I think Isaac Newton is doing most of the driving right now. I think my spaceship knows which way to go. I think that I shall never see a billboard as lovely as a tree. -Ogden Nash I think; therefore I am confused. I was just going to call you. I will not suffer fools gladly, but I will gladly make fools suffer. -Bimmler I wish I had time to explain dimensional transcendentalism -Dr. Who I wish you humans would leave me alone. I wonder what will happen if I touch these two wires together. I would be perfectly happy being Kepler, [but] I have been Kepler many times over.-B. Mandelbrot I wouldn't let a knight out on a dog like this! I wouldn't marry her to a ten foot Pole. I wouldn't marry him with a ten foot pole. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy. -Martin Mull I'd rather have my mail delivered by Lockheed than ride in a plane built by the Post Office. I'll eat it if I'm wrong. I mean a potato. - Danny Sleator I'll produce anything that gets high ratings. -Anonymous NBC official I'll smoke when the pope's wife takes the pill. I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain. I'm free -- and freedom tastes of reality. I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you. I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life. I'm so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. I'm sorry, but I've made other plans. I've done this before and never had any trouble. I've got a ferret sticking up my nose. ICIKL: DO I = 1 /* BY +1 FELTETELEZESEVEL */ TO 2*N; IOT trap -- core dumped IOT trap -- core melted If A=B and B=C, then A=C, except where void or prohibited by law. -Roy Santoro If Congress must do a painful thing, it must be done in an odd-numbered year. If God could perform the tricks we do, He'd be a happy man. If God had meant Texans to ski, he would have made bullshit white. If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands. If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions? If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. If God meant for Texans to ski, He would have made them a mountain. If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate. If I could remember the names of all these particles I would have been a botanist. -- Enrico Fermi If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -Albert Einstein If I had to choose between System V and 4.2, I'd resign. - Peter Honeyman If I owned Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell. If I say it's safe to surf this beach, Captain, it's safe to surf this beach. If I should return in my absence, kindly detain me until I get back. If I wanted your opinion, I'd tell it to you. -Samuel Goldwyn If Lincoln were alive today he would be spinning in his grave. -G. Ford If MS/DOS is the only operating system you're ever going to use, then the procedure is simple If a thousand people say a foolish thing, it remains a foolish thing. If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. If anything can go wrong, it will. If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success. If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment. If bankers can count, why do they have eight windows and only four tellers? If butterflies had teeth like tigers they would never make it out of the hangar. If double-bubble inflation did occur, then the shadow world is exponentially uninteresting. If ever I utter an oath again may my soul be blasted to eternal damnation. If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. If ignorance were cornflakes, you'd be General Mills. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it doesn't matter, it does not matter. If it happens, it must be possible. If it isn't like TECO, it's not worth using. -Rae McLellan If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven. If it were dangerous they would post a sign... If it's boring, turn it off. If it's gratitude you want, get a dog. -P. T. Barnum If it's not broken, don't fix it. If it's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well. If it's worth doing well, it's worth doing. If more is better then too much is just enough. If music be the breakfast food of love, kindly do not disturb until lunch time. If some day it should happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list, I've got a little list. If the "medium is the message" then the message of low-bandwidth timesharing is "blah". -- Alan Kay If the check is truly in the mail, it is surely made out to someone else. If the coin is heads up don't pick it up. If the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. If the facts do not support the theory, they must be disposed of. If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it elect a new people? If the shoe fits, buy the other one, too. If there are any resources you need to get this job done, just let us know. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -Art Hoppe If they gave me a goldfish, I would cook it. -Feng Jicai If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same? If voting could change the system, it would be against the law. If we turn on the lights fast enough, we'll see what the dark looks like. If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't have worked at ALL. If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it. If you can't find enough radiation at Ralph's, you can probably do without it. If you can't stand the heat, remove your clothing! If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -Harry S. Truman If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it. If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. If you don't insist on correct answers, I can make it run as fast as you want. If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter how you get there. If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes. If you don't pay attention to every little detail, you miss most of the jokes. If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. If you grab the bull by the horns, feathers will fly. If you have to lie to someone, it's their fault. If you have to think twice about it, you're wrong. If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class? If you know high class quality merchandise, you know this is CHEAP! If you start now you might finish on time. If you suspect a man, don't employ him. If you take the last cup, make a new pot. If you take the last pot, make a new cup. If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first. If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it. If you think it's hard going to the moon, you should try staying home. If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow! If you want to go somewhere, goto is the best way to get there. K Thompson If you want to have clean ideas, change them like shirts. If you were able to count up to infinity I'll bet you would never get over it. If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. If you're not apprehensive then you don't understand the situation. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. If your experiment needs statistics, you ought to have done a better experiment. - E. Rutherford Ignore alien orders. Ignore previous fortune. Ignore the fatal errors. It's O.K. Il faut cultiver son jardins. -Voltaire Illegal Arbitrator - Line 23 Illegitimi non carborundum. Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan. In Africa the tusks are too firmly rooted, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa. In addition to a yes and a no, the universe contains a maybe. -D. Finkelstein In an evolving universe, who stands still moves backwards. In any society, the correct pronunciation is the dialect that has an army. In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!". In challenging a kzin, a simple scream of rage is sufficient. In communism Man exploits Man. In capitalism it's the other way around. In comparison with the ancients, we stand like dwarfs on the shoulders of giants. -Bernard of Chartres In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In nature there is immediate adjustment but no compulsion. -Chuang Chou In order to make an omelette, you have to break a few cooks. In rebus mathematicis errores quam minimi non sunt contemnendi. In the Unix tradition, vi is intended to be a small tool that does one thing well. In the future, all programmers will be able to use malloc. In the land of the blind the one-eyed man can see across the road and prove it. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the land of the one-eyed men, the blind have to wear glasses. In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it. Incest, like charity, begins at home. Insanity is always the best defense against boredom. Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out. -N. Wirth Intermittent resolutions lack potency. -Robert Silverberg Into each life a little fallout must rain. -Baba Rebop It got to a point where I had to get a haircut or a violin. -F.D.Roosevelt It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. It is a very sad thing nowadays that there is so little useless information. It is absurd to deny the role of fantasy in even the strictest science. -Lenin It is bad luck to be superstitious. -Andrew W. Mathis It is better to have loved and lost -- much better. It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark. It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness, except at the Browns Ferry reactor. It is better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven. -Milton It is better to wear out than to rust out. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. It is far better to vote for a loser than to elect one. It is far better to vote for a loser than to elect? It is fruitless to become lachrymal over precipitately departed lacteal fluid. It is hard to sit with the turkeys when you soar with the eagles. It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem. It is the business of the future to be dangerous. -Hawkwind It is the wise bird who builds her nest in a tree. It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down. -Paul Newman It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you. It steam-engines when it becomes steam-engine time. -Charles Fort It takes approximately two minutes to reposition the continents from one geological era to another. It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. It works better if you plug it in. It would appear that even BTL employees put their pants on one leg at a time. It would be wise to cut expectations in half. It's 5 o'clock. Do you know where your files are? It's Your Environment -- Use It Up! It's a hardware problem. It's a sad woman who buys her own perfume. It's a small world, but I'd hate to have to paint it. It's a software problem. It's a useless but absolutely vital precaution. It's an empty head that wears a hairpiece. - Pauline Kael It's business doing pleasure with you. It's clever, but is it art? It's deja vu all over again. It's difficult to explain Kleenex to an aborigine. It's earlier than you think. It's funny how they work so well, even when they're not appropriate. It's hard to be humble when you're perfect. It's hard to be mellow when you bite your nails. It's hard to be mellow when you can't stand up. It's hard to love someone who looks down on you because your hands get bloody protecting him. It's just a silly native superstition. It's later than you think. It's lonely at the top, but it's lonelier at the bottom. It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either. -Boston Mayor Kevin White It's not a car, it's a Volkswagen. It's not cool enough for the eighties. It's not easy to play the clown when you've got to run the whole circus. It's not my fault -- it's a mechanical problem! It's not my fault! It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things. It's not reality that's important, it's how you perceive things. It's not the time between the takes that takes the time - it's changing your mind between the takes that takes the time. -Stage Dept. It's not the time it takes to take the takes that takes the time, it's the time it takes between the takes that takes the time. -S. Spielberg It's not the years, it's the mileage. It's only a game! It's simple, clean, it works, and you can get it right now. -Mike O'Dell It's some kind of instinct...This was an important place in their lives. It's the law: Use a pun, go to prism (for minor refractions of the law only!) It's the thought, if any, that counts! -Dick Grantges It's time to gearshift up from the crawl we've been in to a full trot. - Jack Scanlon It's worse than being at the theatre. Jam tomorrow and jam yesterday -- but never jam today. Jesus Rodrigues has a 9-inch duck. Jesus saves, Moses invests, the Mongol Hoards, but only Buddha pays dividends. Join me and I will complete your training. Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it. Just be glad you don't get all the government you pay for. -Will Rogers Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Justice for the poor is much less popular than revenge on the rich. Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. Ken Thompson can't beat Belle. So what? How fast can Seymour Cray add? Kids are always the only future the human race has. -William Saroyan Kill ugly radio! Klaatu barada nikto. Kleeneliness is next to Goedeliness. Label on a bottle of pills: "Do not take these pills if this label is missing" Lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. Lando's not a system, he's a man. He's a gambler, scoundrel. You'd like him. Language is a virus from outer space. -William Burroughs. Language is all that separates us from the lower animals and the bureaucrats. Last login: Sat Aug 10 09:22:14 on ttym0 Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone. Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either. Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, `Hold, enough!' Leadership means taxes. Lest men suspect your tale untrue,/Keep probability in view. -John Gay (1727) Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. Let no one unskilled in geometry enter here. -Plato Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Let sleeping wraiths lie. Let's just take this shortcut across this field. That bull doesn't see us. Let's look at the record. -Al Smith Li'l dollink, always fetful. Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth. Life is a game: whoever dies with the most toys wins. Life is a giant shell and we're just processes. Life is a mystery -- love is a dancer. Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string. Life is hard but unjust. Life is just a bowl. Life is not for everyone. -M. O'Donoghue Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. Little girls have pretty curls, but I like Oreos. Little things come in small packages. Live forever, or die trying. Live long and perspire. Living in the past has one thing in its favour - it's cheaper. Load average too high now (11.358253), please try later Local disks are our FORTRAN. -Warren Teitelman Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught. Longevity is an optimist's heaven and a pessimist's hell. Look after the molehills and the mountains will look after themselves. Look on my works, oh ye mighty, and giggle. Lord? We don't have no lord. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. Lose a few, lose a few. Losing your servo track is just God's way of saying `BOOGA, BOOGA!' Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. Love is a many gendered thing. Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac. Love is only love, but money is forever. Love the sea? I dote upon it - from the beach. Love, and do what thou wilt. Luchamos contra el Wombat, otra enemigo de la humanidad. -Frente Wombato de Liberacion Nacional Luke, don't give in to hate. That leads to the dark side. MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING Machne oprating at olny tn prcnt eficiency. Macro context switch under way, please do not log out! Make War, not Love: killing is fun too. -Nicholas von Hoffman Make a list of all the facts you know about the universe. Make is like Pascal: everybody likes it, so they go in and change it. -DM Ritchie Make use of whatever advanced technology is available Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. Making outside money using our computers has resulted in suspension. Making sense makes more sense than not making sense. -T. Duff Male tyrannosaurs may have used their diminutive front legs to titillate female partners, but this will not explain why they got so small. - Gould and Lewontin Man cannot live by bread alone: frequently, there must be beverage, too. Man cannot live by bread alone; he needs a little peanut butter on it. Man has created death. -William Butler Yeats Man is in doubt to deem himself a god or beast. -Alexander Pope Man is in session. Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self. Man's horizons are bounded by his vision. Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing. Many are called, few volunteer. Many are cold, but few are frozen. Many pages make a thick book. Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention. Marriage is an attempt to change a night owl into a homing pigeon. Masterpieces make their own rules. May I have a large container of coffee? May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. May you live all the days of your life. May your rolling stone always grow grass that is greener underneath. Maybe I should have screwed up. - Ken Thompson Mcc may be slow and generate bad code, but it took a long time to develop. Medeis ageometretos eisito mou ten stegen. -Plato Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate. Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. -Dorothy Parker. Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples. Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it. Micronics makes it simple. Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca. Military justice is to justice as military music is to music. -Clemenceau Military music is to music as military intelligence is to intelligence Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference. Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot. Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure. Money cannot buy happiness, but happiness will not buy groceries. Money is a terrible thing to follow but a charming thing to meet. Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots. Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love. Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. Most sacrilegious murder hath broke ope/The Lord's anointed temple. -MacBeth Most users are within a 10 mile radius. Mr. President! We cannot allow ... a MINE-SHAFT GAP! Multi sunt vocati, pauci vero electi. Multilevel standards are like onions. They're smelly and make you cry a lot. -Ron Natalie My broker is E. F. Hutton, and E. F. Hutton says... My karma just ran over your dogma. My program is so jammed with clever tricks - GJ Holzmann My way of joking is to tell the truth; it's the funniest joke in the world. NOT NOT NOT ALLOWED Naked is the best disguise. National security is the chief cause of national insecurity. Need a personal problem? Get a personal computer. - C. P. Killian Neither a borrower nor a lender be/For loan oft loses both itself and friend. Nembutal numbs it all, but I prefer alcohol. -Strummer/Jones Netnews is someone yelling "Anybody wanna buy a used car?" in a crowded theater. Never argue with a fool -- people might not know the difference. Never attribute to malice what can be found in scientific american, under computer recreations. Never buy a case of wine with eleven bottles. Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him. Never eat anything bigger than your head. Never eat in a restaurant that rotates or is above the 10th floor. Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it. Never give a inch! Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken. Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Never speak ill of yourself; your friends will always say enough on that subject. Never stow away on a kamikaze plane. Never worry the boss unnecessarily. Don't tell him. New career ideas are worth pursuing. New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt. Niagara Falls is the second-biggest disappointment in a bride's life. -O. Wilde Niagara Falls is the wise bird who builds her nest in a chinese computer terminal! Niagara Falls would be much more impressive if it flowed the other way. - Oscar Wilde Nihilism means nothing to the dancing peasants. Nihilism should commence with oneself. No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. No branch is better than its trunk. No directory No directory! Logging in with home=/ No good deed goes unpunished. -Clare Booth Luce. No jaggies! No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session. No mistake is too small to be fixed, but first make sure it's a mistake. No news is good news. No note is too high to be taken down an octave. No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. No two ways about it, there are two sides to every story. No user jobs will be lost because of the crash. Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody goes to the theatre unless suffering from acute bronchitis. Nobody is truly sane until he feels gratitude to the whole universe. Nobody knows anything, or if they do, they are careful to hide the fact. Nobody takes computer graphics seriously, even the guys that do it. -T. Duff Non serviam. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Not all the water in a rough rude sea/Can wash the balm from an anointed king. Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on Sundays. Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. Nothing difficult is ever easy. -Steve Falco Nothing is as easy as it looks. Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison. Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason. Nothing is true. Everything is permissible. -Hassan i Sabbah Nothing matters indeed, it's all in your mind... Nothing more certain than incertainties; Fortune is full of fresh variety: Constant in nothing but inconstancy. - Richard Barnfield. Nothing of interest ever happened on this day. Nothing works. No one knows why. And some jerk is talking French. -Bob Lied Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer in Northern California. Now is the winter of our discontent/Made glorious summer by this sun of York. O brave new world,/That has such people in't! O dear Ophelia! I am ill at these numbers: I have not art to reckon my groans. O.T.O. wants you. OK, I think I understand. OS 360 -- Not uranium. Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal. Of all things man is the measure. -Protagoras Oh, don't the days seem lank and long, when all goes right and nothing goes wrong. Oh, so there you are! Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. Old age -- it's the only disease that you don't look forward to being cured of. Omnibus ex nihil ducendis sufficit unum. -Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz On a clear disk you can seek forever. Once TOAD is operational, how frequently would you expect to access TOAD? One Bell System -- it sometimes works. One Bell System -- it works. One bad apple can ruin a snake. One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. -H. L. Mencken One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. One man's Mede is another man's Persian. One picture is worth 128k words. One scythe fits all. One starts life with a swelled head and ends with swelled feet. -Ezra Pound Only %d shopping days until Christmas. Only God can make a random selection. Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an elephant. Only two things are infinite: the universe and human ignorance. -A. Einstein Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny, or is that ontology recapitulates philology? Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. -Haeckel Ontogeny rehashes phylogeny. Ooh, Andy Tannenbaum? His netnews is SO derivative. Options can cause undesirable operations, so it is important to ensure they are set up properly. Order ignorant aliens. Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails. Otto's too so-so to toss soot, too sot to toot SOSs. So? Our ancestors may have been ignorant, but they were not stupid. Our sponsor thought it was for ADA. In fact it was for C. Our vision will speed up time, eventually deleting it. -Alexander Schure Out of memory saving lines for undo - try using ed. Out of the mouths of babes comes semi-digested Pablum. Overall there is a smell of fried onions. (fnord) Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Panem et circenses, that's what the public wants. Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you. Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway oh, God, I'm so depressed... Passing over a black hole temporarily disables ship. Password: People get it into their heads that this is a democracy. Well it isn't. -gwl People never go there anymore; it's too crowded. -Yogi Berra People really shouldn't spread gossip, but what else is it good for? People tend to congregate in the back of the church and the front of the bus. People usually do what other people have done before them. People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. -Jon Bentley People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle. People who think they know everything greatly annoy us who do. People will buy anything that's one to a customer. Per omnia saecula vombatidae. Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things. Perfect love casteth out fear. Person who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought. Personality is a flimsy thing on which to build an art. -John Cage Philosophy is the Rule of Life. Philosopy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems. Physician, bill thyself. Planning dooms most projects. Please log off, the computer is out to get in your room and drink? Please log off, the computer is out to lunch. Please take note: Please to remember the Fifth of November, Gunpowder Treason and Plot. Plunk your magic twanger, froggy. Pluralites non est punenda sine necessitate. -Wm. of Occam Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. Populus vult decipi. Pornography is in the groin of the beholder. -William F. Buckley Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. Post proelium, praemium. Pregnant ropuli. Premature optimization is the root of all evil. -D. E. Knuth Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today! Prevention makes the heart grow fonder. Primate behaviour only changes under the impact of new technology. Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. -Don Marquis Programming and puddings demand consistency. Progress is made on alternate Fridays. Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword. Proofreading is more effective after publication. Proper planning includes admitting that your plan may not work. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity. Put not your trust in money, but your money in trust. Put your mouth where your mouth is. Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it's the only one we've got. Quantum mechanics do it with uncertainty. Questions are a burden for others; answers are a prison for oneself. Rain before sunset, dark by midnight. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Reach out and grep someone. Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own. Real programmers can't say `lint' without adding `hbaxcu' -Wm Leler Real programs don't eat cache. Reality is for those who can't handle drugs. Reality is good for you...in small doses. Reality is silly-putty. -Paul Krassner Reality seems harsher in the early morning. Reason establishes the foundation of faith. Faith compensates the error of reason. Reason is a universal instrument which can serve on any kind of occasion. -Descartes Reform always comes from below. No man with four aces asks for a new deal. Regnant populi. Rei panta. Religions revolve madly around sexual questions. Remember that "almost" means "not". Remember the Unknown Buffalo. Remember when you asked me to tell you when you were being inconsiderate? Remember why the good Lord made your eyes -- Pla-gi-a-rize! -Tom Lehrer Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU. Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat. Render unto Caesar if line 54 is larger than line 62. Repetition is a form of change. -B. Eno Research is a great career: you get paid for looking, regardless of results. Respect you in the morning?! Hell, I don't even respect you now. Restrain your octopus! The canoes are going fishing tomorrow. Ring around the collar. Ring the bell; close the book; quench the candle. Ritual is to the inner sciences what experiment is to the outer sciences. -Leary Rog-O-Matic callidus est. Rog-O-Matic perditus est. Rog-O-Matic's not expert enough. It could handle rogue, but it couldn't handle More. Rotten wood can not be carved -Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9) Round numbers are always false. -Samuel Johnson (c. 1750) Rule 5 Violation SCCS: the source-code motel -- your code checks in but it never checks out. Ken Thompson SYS ERROR 0 - no error detected Sailors in ships, sail on! Even while we died, others rode out the storm. Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone. Save a forest -- eat a beaver! Save the dot files! Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds! Say "no" to long-sleeved shirts!! Support your right to bare arms! Say your prayers, you're going to Zen heaven. Schroedinger might have been here. Schroedinger's cat is sitting on Heisenberg's shoulder and they are both laughing at you. Scintillate, scintillate, aster minific. Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else. Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny. Secret mail has arrived. See that ocean -- that used to be some ocean. -Burt Lancaster in Atlantic City Seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. Self denial is better than self degradation. Sell everything. Market top has been reached. -Joseph Granville Send not to ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. Senor, if you hurry from here, you will wait longer there. -Mexico taxi driver Sex with someone you don't love is just gymnastics--and I hate exercise. -John Derek Shadows slick as eels slither through. Share your happiness with others today. She canna take much more o' this, Mr. Spock. Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up! Push Down! Byte, byte, byte! Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. Si nummi immunis. Silver is pure. It's been a symbol of justice and purity since the year of the sun. Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. Sink or Swim with Teddy! Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera. Smile ... tomorrow will be worse. Smoked carp is terrible unless you're out of smoked salmon. Smooth rotation butters no parsnips. -J. W. Tukey Snatch the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper. Snob intellectual bachelors can't have fun in San Antonio. -Ted Nelson Snoopy has fleas. Snow Day -- stay home. So long as radicals honor theory over facts, they will continue to dismantle their successes. So narrow minded is the boss that he has to stack his ideas vertically. Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being. Soft soap often has a high percentage of lye in it. -- Salada Tea Solve et coagule. Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed. -- Francis Bacon Some day this war's gonna end. Some men are discovered; others are found out. Some of us feel that there is a loss of scholarship here, and we're not too happy about it. -Irvin Lustig Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books. Some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -Sigmund Freud Sometimes it seems to me that men are children grown incompetent. -Carl Whitaker Sometimes you've gotta give it all you've got, because it just isn't enough. Soon you will be sitting on top of the world. Sooner or later everybody's gotta pay their tab. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted. Space travel is utter bilge. -Sir Richard Van Der Riet Wolley Spare no expense to save money on this one. -Samuel Goldwyn Speaking of poison, I'll see that you get some fresh breakfast immediately. Specialization is for insects. -Robt. A. Heinlein Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers. Split a stick of wood, and the Christ is there, too. Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain. Stack overflow in crawlout. User environment re-initialized. (FATAL$) Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down. Status: R Stay away from flying saucers today. Stay away from hurricanes for a while. Stereotypes are one of the worst things in the world. -miteddie!nessus Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a laser beam is another matter. Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Stop worrying, you'll never get out of this world alive. Subject: Re: Re: Clar ... HUMBUG! - Wrongthink st - (nf) Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring. Sum quod eris. Sun UNIX 4.2 Release 1.1 (IAS) #1: Tue Jan 29 01:25:15 PST 1985 Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. - Joseph Addison. Sure [Somoza]'s a son-of-a-bitch, but he's OUR son-of-a-bitch. -F.D. Roosevelt Surprise due today. Also the rent. Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. Surveillance should precede salientation. System down Tues. am for COBOL compiler installation. System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crash. System going down for 5 minutes -- back up in barrels. System going down for 5 minutes -- back up in half an hour. System going down in 5 minutes. System might crash at any moment. System went down at Fri Dec 13 21:54:56 1901 TERROR IN THE OUTPUT FILE A A TNT allows students the freedom to make mistakes. TSO -- it may be slow, but it's hard to use. Tai Chi is self-defense for people on Quaaludes. Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. Take care of your peonies and the dahlias will take care of themselves. Te ayudare a recorder la cantidad a indoctos si releesme bien. Teach it ... phenomenology. Technological unemployment is total today -- 300 years ago we were all farmers. Tell the girls to slice the ham thin. Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. Terminals at home are always in the bedroom. Thank God I'm an atheist. -Aleister Crowley Thank you for choosing UNIX -- batteries not included, some assembly required. That goes against the laws of Physics. That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. That we can comprehend the little we know already is mindboggling in itself. That which does not kill me makes me stronger. That which does not kill me missed. That which is above is in that which is below. That's as American as pie charts. That's the nice thing about standards -- there's so many to choose from. -trb The $SIGNON command is a risky practice. The 3B2 Model 100 - the first machine with cat -v in ROM! The Angels want to wear my red shoes. The Beatles? Isn't that Paul McCartney's old band? The Blit is a nice terminal, but it runs emacs. The Constitution gives us freedom of religion, not freedom from religion -R Reagan The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. The Force is strong with this one. The Force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet. The Government urges you to remain calm. The Inuit have dozens of words for snow, so why do the Dutch only have one word for rain? The Italians make money out of funding their own deficit. The Luddites always lose. Always. The Moral Majority are the people our ancestors came from Europe to escape. The PIXAR -- it's not just a job, it's an adventure. The SUN really is a hunk of junk. - Tom Duff The Tao which can be talked about is not the Tao. -Lao Tzu The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad. The UFO and the BVM seem to be the same phenomenon. -Jacques Vallee The UNIX system is harder to use than a toaster. -Kaare Christian The US Marines: the Few, the Proud, the Dead on the Beach. The United States Army: 194 years of proud service, unhampered by progress. The aim of existence is to have clean ideas, change them like shirts. The aim of existence is to offer resistance to the flow of time. The answer you seek is in an envelope. The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive. The average legislator is somewhere nearly all the time. -Herb Nore The barge was in my blind spot. - Peter Hobson, Cambridge cox The best prophet of the future is the past. The better part of valour is discretion; in the which better part I have saved my life. The boundary condition of the universe is that it has no boundary. - S. Hawking The check is in the mail. The churches must learn humility as well as teach it. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson. The connotation depends on the beacon. - Mark V. Shaney The contrary of a compound is the aggregate of the contraries of the components. - De Morgan The contrary of an aggregate is the compound of the contraries of the aggregates. - De Morgan The coroner gave you a clean bill of health. The darkest hour is just before the storm. The dawning of the Information Age is bringing about dramatic changes in the fundamental fabric of our civilization. - AA Penzias The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous. The difference between a thief and the IRS is that the thief doesn't audit you afterwards. The difficult we gave up on yesterday, the impossible we are giving up on now. The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before. The early worm gets the bird. The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier. The empty fist always makes the deepest wound. The end is closer than you think. The end justifies the meanness. The enemy is ignorance [our own]. -Ezra Pound The eyes believe themselves, the ears believe other people. The fear of the lord was discovered before vitamins. The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever. The first step in fixing something is getting it to break. The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - Henry VI, part II. The fit between the world and the human symbols describing it is never perfect. The following file systems are due for backup at this time: The fruits of impatience are bitter. The function of the sun is not to help the cabbages along. - Flaubert The further you get, the better it looks. The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.) The future isn't what it used to be. -Arthur C. Clarke The gods do not protect fools. Fools are protected by more capable fools. The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. The hardest part of raising children is teaching them to ride bicycles. The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee. The human brain is not a pretty sight. The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein - it rejects it. -Peter Medawar The invention of the multiple-choice exam was the death blow to competent writing. The judge's jokes are always funny. The ketchup of sorrow is better than the mustard of happiness. The last twenty-nine days of the month are the worst. -Nicola Tesla The lion will lie down with the lamb, but the lamb won't get much sleep. The love of money is the mucilage of many a tragic friendship -Stuart McMillan The man of knowledge can see several things at once. The map is not the territory. -A. E. Van Vogt, in World of Null-A The measure of the rigor of a science is the index of its ability to predict. The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are careful to hide the fact. The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are pronounced "o". The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse. The more complicated the mind, the more simple the play. The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. The move of bambam functionality to the new AP bugs is re-scheduled to Friday night The nervous system sees no color, feels no pain. -T. Leary The null string has always been a locksmith. -Albert Einstein The null string has always been a productive source of off-by-0 errors. The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. - 2nd Edition UNIX manual The number of approved [COBOL] subsets has been reduced from 104,976 to 54. - JM Triance The official state animal of New York is the cabbie. The official state tree of North Dakota is the telephone pole? The one interesting fact about the Diplodocus is that the accent is on the second syllable. The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race. The only one who got everything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors. The only sure things in life are net.suicide and net.taxes. The only thing cheaper than hardware is talk. The only way out of a circle is through the center. The opera isn't over until the fat lady sings. The opposite of a trivial truth is false; the opposite of a great truth is also true. The pale companion is not for our pomp. The pearl the squirrel the girl hit bit split. The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rain. The play's the thing/Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king. The plural of spouse is spice. The polhode rolls without slipping on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane. The problem with a just economy is, who runs the Bureau of Economic Justice? The prudent man does not hold his breath. The reason Swedes put little o's over some A's is that ontology recapitulates philology. The reason Swedes put little o's over some A's is that they are pronounced "o". The religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide. The rich man has his motor car, His country and his town estate. He smokes a fifty-cent cigar And jeers at Fate. - F. P. Adams The screen rectangle must be charged with emotion. Hitchcock The sheep - symbolic creature of docility, sacrifice and stupidity. The shorter the line, the slower it moves. The shortest distance between two points is off the wall. The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -Noelie Altito The skeletons in the cupboard will all come out in the wash. The solution to the problem of life is seen in the vanishing of the problem. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something. The sterile pleasure of being right tends to get stale in the course of a lifetime. EW Dijkstra The strength of a nation lies in the integrity of its homes. -Confucius The stylus is more potent than the claymore. The sword he sang a song of death/But could not make the sickle yield. -Blake The thing about Chinatown is, you can never be sure of anything down there. The three laws of physics: f=ma; things fall down; you can't push a rope. The tide of change approaches. The time is right to make new friends. The unexamined life is not worth examining. The universe is laughing behind your back. The vanity of teaching often tempteth a man to forget that he is a blockhead. The voice of the people is odd,/It is, and it is not, the voice of God. -Pope The wheels of justice grind slow but fine. The whole UNIX operating system was ripped off electronically. The whole UNIX operating system whose documentation fits in a chinese computer terminal! The wise shepherdess never trusts her flock to a smiling wolf. The world cannot be understood from a single point of view. -Eleanor Roosevelt The world ended yesterday-this is only a dream! The world ended yesterday-why are you still here? The world is a conspiracy of the unthinking against the unwitting. The world is all that is the case. -Wittgenstein The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books! Them that dishes it out need not fall over every time someone blows hard. There are more old drunkards than old doctors. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,/Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. There are no color bars in Cuba. There are only three kinds of proof: induction, exhaustion, and intimidation. There are two kinds of people in the world -- those who are, and those who aren't. There is a 10% penalty for getting yourself killed. There is a fly on your nose. There is a person with a shovel behind you ready to crack open your skull! There is a tide in the affairs of men/Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. - Julius Caesar IV.iii.217 There is a world in which this sentence ends with a different word. There is no bottom to worse. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. There is no gift like the present. There is no governor anywhere; you are absolutely free. There is no language in our lungs. There is no present like the TIMES. There is no present like time. There is no sin except stupidity. - Oscar Wilde There is no time like the pleasant. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary building. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax. There must be a minimum of two responsible people per subdomain. - Mark Horton There used to be men and women. Now there are men and persons. There was a phone call for you. There'll always be an England - if not it would be necessary to invent one. There's a broken light for every heart on Broadway. There's a difference between ethical people and nice people. You can't trust nice people. There's a divinity that shapes our ends,/Rough-hew them how we will. There's a sucker reborn every minute. There's always one more bug. There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go. There's insanity in my family; starting with me, tonight. There's no place like home. There's no room in the drug world for amateurs. There's something in this universe that I don't understand. -T. Duff These calculations even schoolchildren can master in three-four days. -Maimonides These numbers DO NOT appear to belong to anybody: 315 323 372 375 602 765 772 903 914 These widows, sir, are the most perverse creatures in the world. - Joseph Addison. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... -- last words of Gen. John Sedgewick They laughed at Copernicus; they laughed at Galileo; they laughed at Bozo the Clown. They live happiest who have forgiven most. They were easy to tell apart: the good Kirk was played by William Shatner and the evil one by Gavin McLeod. They were easy to tell apart: the good Kirk wore cottons and wools and the evil Kirk wore nylons and polyesters. They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid! Things always look darkest just before they go totally black. -Col. Hannibal Smith Things are more like they are now then they have ever been before. -Dwight D Eisenhower Things are more like they used to be than they are new. Things are more like they used to be than they are now. Things are only as bad as they are and can only get worse if they do! Things that go without saying go even better if they are said. -Talleyrand Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face. Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer crashes. This *means* something. -R. Neary This algorithm is prevented in the style of Dijkstra's guarded cowhands. This fortune intentionally not included. This fortune is inoperative. Please try another. This fortune is self-explanatory, once you understand it. This fortune left blank intentionally. This fortune was not meant for you. This is Emmanuel. I got him from Emmanuel Training School. He's Emmanuel like. This is a full standard Kernighan & Ritchie C compiler. This machine does not exist! Boy am I confused! This refutation can only be refuted by a proof. - van den Herik 1985 This space available. Call 686-7600 for details. This statement is a lie. This system hasn't crashed in ages. This terminal is not for your use, please log off! This time for sure! This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it. This will hurt me more than it hurts you. Thos who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Those who can't write, write manuals. Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate. Those who can, do; those who can't, write. Those who can, do; those who can't, write. Those who can't write work for the Bell Labs Record. Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose. Those who talk don't know. Those who don't talk, know. Thrashing is just before they go totally black. -Col. Hannibal Smith Thrashing is just virtual crashing. Three shoes do not a hat make. Thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. -Mark Twain Time ends here, please go back the way you came. Time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like a banana. Time is nature's way of making more anarchy. Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once. Time is three eyes and eight elbows. Timesharing just doesn't work. -K. Thompson, 1982. To be clear is professional; not to be clear is unprofessional. -- Sir Ernest Gowers To be is to be related. To be or not to be, those are the parameters. To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent. To cross again is not to cross. To err is human, to forgive is not libary [sic] policy. quoted by Herb Caen To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer! To err is human; that's why I'm comfortable around Gods. To express e, remember to memorize a sentence to simplify this. To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools. To live without clocks is to live forever. -RLS To make an enemy, do someone a favor. To make an omelette, you have to paint it. To play billiards well is a sign of an ill-spent youth. To possess another language is to possess another soul. -Charles V Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official. Today is the first day of the rest of your miserable life. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. Today the pits, tomorrow the wrinkles -- Sunsweet marches on. Together we must rise to higher and higher platitudes. -Richard Daley Together we will rule the galaxy, father and son. Luke...it is your destiny. Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree. Too Much. Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -Mae West Torque is cheap. Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more. Toto, I've a feeling we're not in any immediate danger of having just committed suicide! Toutes choses sont dites deja, mais comme personne n'ecoute, il faut toujours recommencer. Transformation is invested with the mysterious and the painful. Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow. Tres sabios hubo en el mundo, Adan, Solomom y Raymundo. Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level. Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing. Trust Me. Trust him, but still keep your eyes open. Truth is only skin deep. Truth is the ultimate weapon; fortunately no one has perfected it yet. - Ken Ellis Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.) Try `stty 0' -- it works much better. Try a new system or a different approach. Try again Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today. Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy. Tu aideras a rappeler ta quantite a beaucoup de docteurs amis. Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks. Two fish in the sky are worth more than a bird in the sea. Two heads are better than a bath and a half. Two wrongs don't make a right. Two Wrights make airplanes. U.S. out of OAKLAND! UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist. UNIX acts as an equalizer of the hardware playing field. J. Scanlon Unbidden guests/Are often welcomest when they are gone. Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Unemployment is not a disease; so it has no `cure.' Unix is the only significant operating system whose documentation fits in a student's briefcase. -John Lions (Fixed in 4.1BSD) Unix never says `please.' -- Rob Pike Unix soit qui mal y pense. Unix: from now on, consider it dead. -Mike O'Dell Unknown Jerome's -- Dorothy's desk -- $.25 while they last!! Using 4.2 in this hospital is a great idea. Usura contra naturum est. Usus, Quen penes arbitrium est, et jus, et norma loquendi. -Horace VAX/VMS -- Software for the 60's. VAX/VMS is like a nightmare about RSX. Veni, vidi, maeni, mo, cacha tigrem baedas to, iffi hollers, ledem go, veni, vidi, maeni, mo. Versatility is one of your outstanding traits. Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars. Vigilia pretium libertatis. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -Salvador Hardin Viva Nuestra Senora Guadalupe y jueron gubernacion mala. -Father Hidalgo Vivaldi did not write 600 concerti grossi. He wrote the same one 600 times. -Stravinski Vocatus atque non vocatus deus aderit. Vote anarchist. Vox populi, vox Dei. -Alcuin WAR IS PEACE. INFORMATION IS SLAVERY. OUR FUTURE IS IN OUR HANDS. Warning: I brake for no apparent reason. Warning: perch lorethylene may harm plastic Warning: this fortune may change your life. Wars do not log out! Waste not, get your budget cut next year. Wasting time is an important part of living. Watch out for quantum ducks: Quark! Quark! We aim to please, but our aim is bad. We are experiencing network trouble -- do not adjust your illegal descrambler. We are faced with an insurmountable opportunity. -W. Kelley We are not in any immediate danger of having solutions that exceed the needs. We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. -von Braun We continue to overlook the fact that work has become a leisure activity. We did it for nothing, we did it in an hour, and the whole thing worked. We don't care, we don't have to-- we used to be the phone company. We don't know half of what we know. We don't need a standard; Kernighan & Ritchie completely defines the language. We haul ours to kick theirs. We have a really challenging assignment for you. We have lost our little Hanner in a very painful manner. - Max Adeler. We have met the enemy, and he is us. -Walt Kelly We have the finest politicians money can buy. We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history. We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately. -Franklin We never stand still longer than it takes to have an argument. We offer every assistance short of actual help. We place no reliance/on Virgin or pigeon;/Our method is science,/Our aim is religion. -Aleister Crowley We regard matrimony as a sort of friendship recognized by the police. We retard what we cannot repel, we palliate what we cannot cure. -Johnson We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life. We shall never get people whose time is money to take much interest in atoms. -S. Butler We shall never understand one another until we reduce the language to seven words. -K. Gibran We should acknowledge the 10000-year sheep heritage of mankind. - Judge Clyde Burch. We try harder, they do better. We use it but we do not love it. -Goethe We want no foreign rulers - fight the metric system. We won't need reservations. We would like to apologize for the following announcement: We'll burn that bridge when we come to it... We're going up there this weekend and I'm gonna get so roaring, stinkin', no-good drunk I won't be able to see. - mechanic in "The Blob". We're scientists. We have to do things we hate -- that even sicken us. We're too close to System Test. We've lost 4 crays to the open environment. Welcome to the working week. Well, the handwriting is on the Titanic, why not go gentle into that good night? Well, the handwriting is on the floor. -Joe E. Lewis Well, we had Chinese food again for lunch. What I like about scientists is that they are a team, so that one need not know their names. -J Wilmot What I tell you three times is true. -The Hunting of the Snark. What did you throw that book I wanted to be read to out of about Down Under out for? What distinguishes good software from poor software is customer satisfaction. -Bob Yacobellis What do you call a half-dozen Indians with Asian flu? Six sick Sikhs (sic). What do you mean the 8080 & the 6502 are incompatible? They're both NMOS! What does it mean if there is no fortune for you? What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. What good are the games if you ain't got the power? What good is someone who can walk on water if you can't follow in his footsteps? What have you done for Vic lately? What if I go to New York and can't trust a menu? What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -Thomas Hewitt Key What is now proved was once only imagined. -William Blake What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -Peter S. Beagle What's in a name? That which we call a rose/By any other name would smell as sweet. What's it all about? We're all tools. Life's just a crock. What's the point to combing your hair when it's grey and thinning? When all else fails, read the instructions. When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done. When an Okie moves to California, he raises the IQ of both states. -Will Rogers When an owl comes to a mouse picnic, it's not there for the sack races. When better machines are built, greg will break them. When better machines are built, jks will break them, and td will bitch about it. When bigger machines are built, scj will saturate them. When does later become never? When everyone's out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking. When faced with the obvious -- look elsewhere. When faced with two evils, one asks why only two? When four sit to conspire, three are government agents, and the other a fool. When in doubt, lead trump. When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles; scream and shout. When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. When more and more people are out of work unemployment will result. -Calvin Coolidge. When the Lord gets ready, you got to move. When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. When the going gets tough, the tough hold meetings. When the map and the terrain disagree, trust the terrain. -Swiss army aphorism When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it. When time permits, your personal life will be exciting. When traveling with a herd of elephants, don't be first to lie down and rest. When you are over the hill, you pick up speed. When you need a sledgehammer, the finest scalpel just won't do. When you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, then DO! Whenever I see his fingernails, I thank God I don't have to look at his feet. Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I haven't tried before. -Mae West Whenever the Queen comes to New Zealand the Maori people suffer a disaster. Where do you think you are, Civilization? Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent. -Wittgenstein While I see many hoof-marks going in, I see none coming out. - Aesop. Who can worry about a super-hero who vanishes when you change channels? Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me? Who is the slayer, who the slain? Speak... -Sophocles, Oedipus Rex Who knows if there are any answers? -Edmund G. Brown, Jr. Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink? Who ordered that? -I.I. Rabi on the discovery of the muon Who's afraid of Louisa May Alcott? Whom the gods must destroy they first must drive insane. Why be a second rate Ravel when you can be a first rate Gershwin? Why do they have this marked "Danger, do not touch"? Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3D movies with. Why don't we store the blank punch cards on disk, and get rid of all those boxes. Why is it called a stream I/O system when the data flows both ways? Why polish the corners off a sphere in a roomful of cubes? Why worry about tomorrow, when today is so far off? Will nobody help the widow's son? With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best. With redeeming social value like yours, no wonder you're obscene. With the wind in the east I can tell an eagle from a hammer. With/Without -- and who denies it's what the fighting's all about? Without alkaloids, life itself would be impossible. Wombat omnia vincet. Wombs not bombs Women seldom show dimples to guys who have pimples. Wonderful girl! Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her. Words are the voice of the heart. Words must be weighed, not counted. Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. -C.N. Parkinson Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see. Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. Y drag goch yr y gchwyn! Yamata wasami shuza. Yea, from the table of my memory/I'll wipe away all trivial fond records. Yes, the red switch. Yesterday's sensation is today's calibration and tomorrow's background. -Valentine Telegdi Yogsothoth Neblod Zin. You always think you know what you're doing, but you're too slick for your own good. You are going to have a new love affair. You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. You are original and creative. You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity. You auto buy now. You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive. You can get HELP any time you are using TEACH by returning to the command state and typing "S 160". You can lead a horticulture but you cannot make her think. - Dorothy Parker You can observe a lot just by watching. -Yogi Berra You can tell a man by the company that keeps him. You can't beat the bugs. You can't build a bomb at 300 baud. You can't capitalize your cake and expense it too. You can't comb a hairy ball smooth. You can't fall off the floor. You can't forward backward. - Dave Nowitz You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME You can't have everything -- where would you put it? You can't miss it. You can't teach a dead dog new tricks. You can't win, you can't break even, and you can't get out of the game. You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting. You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it. You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels. You cannot cross a chasm in two steps. You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. You cook it, you sell it. You dialed 5483 You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. You don't have to play tennis any more, or talk to anyone who does. You don't really want to know what the future holds for you. You had mail. You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. You have been selected for a secret mission. You have been transfixed by the gaze of the Edlund.--More-- You have bills. You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. You have made an excellent hit on the UNIX.--More-- You have mail. You have personal talents that are attractive to others. Be sure to use them. You have plate mail. You have slowmail. You have snails. You have splint mail. You have taken yourself too seriously. You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today. You know, Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. You know, you never know. You look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark! You make the megabucks, I make the nanobucks...it's YOUR problem. You may be recognized soon. Hide. You may enjoy the infamous PEOPLExpress snack pack for one dollar. You may have a friend at the Chase Manhattan but at our bank you have meshpocheh! You might have mail. You need not worry about your future - it's going to be rotten. You never know what you don't know, you know? You now have Asian Flu. You press the button, and we'll do the rest. You remind me of a TV show, but that's all right: I watch it anyway. You scream and you leap. You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. You should go home. You tend to be shy when undressing outdoors. You want it bad, you'll get it bad. You weren't here so we did it anyway. You will attend a party where strange customs prevail. You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself. You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old. You will be surprised by a loud noise. You will feel hungry again in another hour. You will get a better gorilla effect if you use as big a piece of paper as possible. You will make a small sum by investing in a business project. You will make a small sum disappear by investing in a business project. You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You will step on the night soil of many countries. You win some, you lose some, and some go into extra innings. You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry. You'll just have to sleep faster tonight. You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days. You're so bossy you ought to be milked before you come home at night. You're so ugly you couldn't even get a better mouse. You're so ugly you couldn't even get a date with an automated bank teller. You've always got the option of having just committed suicide! You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture. Your First Amendment ends where the next person's Bill of Rights begins. P. Michael Guba Your best dreams may not come true; but then neither will your worst dreams. Your computer account is overdrawn. Please reauthorize. Your editor doesn't always know best. Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive Your empty file directory has been deleted. Your intuition is excellent but another viewpoint could be helpful. Your login has been changed. Your love life will be happy and harmonious. Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true. Your opponent wouldn't fight if he didn't think he had a chance. Your password is pitifully obvious. Your present plans are going to succeed. Your supervisor is thinking about you. Your theory is crazy, but not crazy enough to be true. Zero is greater than minus zero, but don't ask by how much. -6600 ref. manual `By the way, microcode is no big deal. You can emulate it in random logic.' `Compared to academic politics, political politics is a nice, clean game.' -S. I. Hayakawa, SF Examiner 4/23/84 `Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.' `He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes...' `I saw it with my own eyes' means you wanted to see it. `Otto' spelled inside out is `toot.' `Qvid me anxivs svm?' `She read her boyfriend's mind, and they're no longer going together,' Mrs. Resch added. `The time (6:39 pm) has come,' the Walrus said, `to talk of many things...' `The time has come,' the Walrus said, `to talk of many things...' `We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.' ``I'm a hugger, I'm a tactile politician,'' Turner said. `is false when preceded by its quotation' is false when preceded by its quotation. `is not a sentence' is not a sentence. awk: Usage: awk [-f source | 'cmds'] [files]; record number 3.55646e-311 awk: illegal statement 206620 bad input char: .Ppm{=P!*@)Z9oFPp|*?)Z9pv9i%Su$^J)48%K_e239GM#ffoq!!!"!Mp#V6N\H8uEgdXbP\[7j1&PJz!X76!4BA}5!!!!!"syui!!!"!Mp#V6P\Scb?p8`;!4lf& beware of component 3730 cc: warning: -g disables -O chess tonight dis: invalid general addressing mode (e8); notify disassembler implementor f u cn rd ths u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr pgmng. f u cn rd ths u cn gt a gd jb n tk wr f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd. fortune: Command not found. fortune: not found ftp> Globbing off. ftp> Globbing on. grep: RE error 41: No remembered search string. gt: warning -- bad idea to override alpha computation on matted-to-black target He who lives by the nit dies by the pick. invalid control line !!! itiprobe says hi jim is a nice editor except that it runs on the Blit. -- W. Joy no shell. non-positive output count: .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not not not Algol panic: trap pic: 5 X 58008 picture shrunk to 0.000603365 X 7 pm monday am reading symbols...done size: a.out: bad magic startup: system error -- directory deleted struct sleaziness { char *pleasure; int alchemically; }; too much. ucode rev x62 unknown troff command: We will interpret typing statements A@imp#M:@gr(s)# unseal: invalid length usend: /usr/asp/spool filesystem is exhausted uucp failed completely (11) uucp failed partially: 0 file(s) sent; 1 error(s) uuxqt cmd (rnews ) status (ucsfcgl!uucp 256) values of β will give rise to dom! warning: vector size unknown: p[i][j] means *(*(p+i)+j) There's no backspace in real life. - P.J.Weinberger When a musk ox goes faster than an amble, he has formed an intention. Verb is a noun. Verb is not a verb. Verb is not a verb, unless it's verbed. Version 8 Unix style Ritchie streams. Space shuttle experience is more common than C++ CA002 - [CAL] ASSEMBLY TIME: 0.000000 CPU SECONDS Within her left armpit only the fish called raawaru are there. In her right armpit, snapper only are the fish of that place. In days of yore, the crab and the crayfish lived in the forest. "C" is as portable as Stonehedge!! Any mail routed through "emacs" will probably fail without benefit of a bounce-back. Although the moon is only 1/100 the size of the earth, it is much further away. Never walk across a river that has an average depth of four feet. chdir: ?I/O error: `I/O error' ON SATURDAY SUPERMAN WILL BE UNAVAILABLE FOR A MAJOR HARDWARE RECONFIGURATION 03:23:33 0.0017 USER CLOSE CALLS - 8 It's clear that buzzwording is a factor. Dallas stands for culture with a 'K'. Huge directory ./src/port --call administrator CC119 - Dead code generated for vacuous expr. Resent-Comment: It's not OUR mailer. Maybe it's yours. * Method As described above, see details below. Take your hands off me. You don't have to give me all the gory details about how you got hepatitis. Who's the big cheese around here? What a surprise to find you here alone! Ouch! That feels good! How exciting to see you in traction again! Either I've been missing something, or nothing has been going on. You crossed my mind, but you didn't stay there. Should you die, I'd go mad so I could talk to you all the time. If you'll take me where I want to go, I'll take you where you think we are. If snow is wet, what is light? If your intentions are really good, I'll never understand them. Whatever happens, happens because it must. Get out, and take your mucus with you. I wanna lick the syrup off your hotcakes. I've got you under my skin; moreover, you've invaded my lymph. All I do is wait for your clumsy hands to make mincemeat of my apparel. More than just a book -- it's a major piece of torture. Great men are not always idiots. Unrequited love's a bore. -- Billie Holiday I wish people wouldn't say "Excuse me" when I WANT them to step on my feet. Life is a stage attacked by an idiot. No one wants to get into his grave still feeling frisky. -- Quentin Crisp (warning) data origin prohibits saving reloc bits ## wc is a Berkeley-ism, I think. Boost, don't knock NEW fsname = x, NEW volname = 49a126 -- DEL if wrong!! New Jersey has more people per capita than any other state.- Alan Karcher, D, NJ Significantly improved programming is only a reply card away. An AI journal without hype? That's like a hot air balloon without the hot air. UNIX is a trademark of AT&T in the U.S.A. and other countries. 554 Who are you? Anything is possible, and it usually does. - John Lions When you become a streetwalker, you don't write home very much. Few forgive without a fuss. Your contraption is better than mine. Very well, I'll slick your hair down myself. If Lucifer confesses, we'll let the rest of you go. pass 2 error:(file ) more than 100 args? in read: Error 0 There's a time and a place for spontaneity. I am a little more weird today than normal. - Andrew Hume You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands to. If nothing is pressing, putter around at this or that. Whatever arrangements you make are apt to be final. If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some. There's going to be no serious problem after this. - Ken Thompson If you can stick your finger in it, you can hang from it. -Andrew Hume Life's a bitch and then your feet wear down. - Dennis Ritchie Thank you for using AT&T! Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead. Nepal premier won't resign. Surprises unlikely in Indiana. University of Rochester decides to keep name. In the long run, we are all dead. -Keynes Debate goes on over the nature of reality. Reach out and Boyer-Moore egrep someone. The solution is to increase the size of the manuals. - Mark V. Shaney `C' is for `core dumped.' redefinition: GLOBL 153352(gok(-118))[A7*16],gok(-116)/-937488177[R0*0] The electron: May it never be of use to anybody. - toast at the Cavendish Labs. Delivered-Automatically-By: the Magical Vacatioin Program Wretches, utter wretches, keep your hands from beans! Abstain wholly from laurel leaves. init: /dev/console: getty failing, sleeping 25% of all books from Bell Labs are written by Narain Gehani. Try to clear up differences with associates * W * :test$cstatic$chatypedef$st$int$$cnt$$unsigned$$unsigned$$char$$fla$char$$fil$$FILEo: 1: CC019 - Old-fashioned Initialization. Use '=' Instead. The atom of hydrogen contains about a thousand electrons. - J.J. Thomson, 1903 The unique power of UNIX (UPOU) is that vi includes awk. Yes, I want a drink. Alcoholic, of course; after the heavy sessions regarding quantum mechanics. * W * :../os/main.c: 64: CC042 - Instruction Will Cause Infinite Loop But issues remain in the AT&T Information Systems unit. The major problem is with sendmail. -Mark Horton Michigan House Fails to Override Veto of Medicaid Abortion Ban. The -v option increases user-friendliness. Every good joke has a short punch line. What is the origin of the Grand Canyon? A Scotsman lost a nickel. Sentence without verb. mh/toy/forbes deferred for sequence "":5:operands of ++ have incompatible types How do you explain that you changed your mind when you changed your hat? -Wm. Rogers The Devil Still Exists, Says Pope, Contradicting Polls When andrew asks you to type pwd for him, don't do it. Variable syntax. WARNING: You may see display garbage as a result of this action. WYSIWYG processing and a "vi"-like user interface - the best of both worlds! :-) strip: arno: bad magic There appears to be a paper jam, dammit p&P6. As Maine goes, so goes Vermont. -Alf Landon If you enter a village where everyone is lame, eventually you will start to limp. That's the way I got promoted, by eating everything. -pjw charge.c: 163: CC001 - Internal Compiler Error 69 . Debug: (412127)request for s1 but pseudo already in s3 In 1974 it was hard to find anyone who voted for Richard Nixon in 1972. Charlie don't hack. A strange event will change your idea of a good time. I just resent the newgroup messages. -Rick Adams I'm not easily impressed on Mondays. -Bruce Ellis Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. -Jean Cocteau What he's asking you to do is only mildly disgusting -- try it, you might like it. The 1980's have quite appropriately been called the age of nail extension products. Wonder woman will be down Saturday, November 15th for hardware maintenance. Arbitrary makes free. Don't puting nathing in the line. Today is washing poison machine. Pittsburgh has become a kind of knowledge aircraft carrier, its "top-guns" scattered regularly around the planet. The only works of art America has given are her plumbing and her bridges. -Duchamp Per dollar, the cray is cheaper to maintain than the comets. -pjw The entire LC comp center will be shut down from 12/12 to 12/15 for annual maintenance on our Uninterruptable Power Supply. Hit the water! Hit the water! Try psychoacoustic imagery risk free! Hit me with your mid-point, she said meanly. The secretaries don't understand me. -Rob Pike I have a brain. -Kerry Harrigan System won't be available tomorrow 12/04 from 18:00 to 20:00 to install new cross compiler. Some logins deserve a message. Some don't. Yours does. Here's mine. God has spoken to me through chocolate fudge cake. Some day, when the universe has its heat death, they will look back and say `There are 12 Cray-2s'. -pjw When the music stops, the house of cards collapses and the emperor is found to be wearing no clothes. pwedit: error in input file in item 2305843009213693953 at field 1 Decreased cabin volume was insufficient to support human life. When ideas fail, words come in very handy. -Goethe elongated pentagonal gyrocupolarotunda (J41): 21/36 ambiguous hinges Total performance commercial carpet in convenient 18" squares A procedure can never use its own name in any way except to refer to itself. I'm a GEI kind of guy. - J Bentley eqn: illegal size of ignored near line 386, file part.5 Music is the can opener of the soul. -Henry Miller Robert Elz is the Mark Horton of the south. - P. Dick-Lauder 2 -rw-r--r-- 1 mp 1239 Jan 17 09:40 hite upper middle class IS AN INVALID DESTINATION. Rest frequently while shoveling snow. Never put snow on a frostbitten part. Eat more fish and less red meat. Drive away from a tornado at a right angle. Start off the day with a nourishing meal. Keep stairways clear of clutter. Discard medicine more than two years old. Stopping smoking slows emphysema's progress. Reduce speed in wet or foggy weather. Lengthen interval when the road is wet. Before physical activity warm up gradually. Don't eat a large meal before driving. Get help when lifting heavy objects. Don't use gasoline for cleaning. Put a smoke detector in your vacation cottage. Always read the labels on pesticides. To avoid falls watch where you step. To overcome stress do things that relax you. Popcorn is a good fiber food. Gray-tinted sunglasses reduce glare the most. Cut down on fatty, high-calorie foods. Use a salt substitute if blood pressure's high. Replace worn electrical cord without delay. Good passing rule: when in doubt, don't. Bicycle with the traffic flow. For relief submerge a bum in cold water. Always check fire exits in hotels and motels. Draw up a family fire-escape plan. Go with your kids when you go trick or treating. Take your car in for a tune-up. Carry a medical information card. Keep flammables away from space heaters. Buckle up even on short auto trips. Drive with the traffic not against the clock. Send your party guests home sober. Let me put it to you this way: computers are my business. - A.G. Hume Business is where the money is. - John Scully (CEO of Apple) Anything with the word 'generation' in it has to be wrong. - T.A. Cargill Today's technological mastery is tomorrow's obsolescence. 23582.0u 2166.7s 21404r mk A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems. -Paul Erdös SCAPEGOAT=rob sh: /dev/null restricted Do not smoke near an open drawer. - Bell Labs safety manual. Like Nero, the government fiddled while Rome burned--only it wasn't Rome. -- Jim Olson FYI: POWER DIP OCCURED YESTERDAY AT 21:55...IS YOUR 3B2 OK??? Don't ignore where the writer is in the draft. Hunting & Fishing licenses are free to the blind, handicapped or mentally retarded. mail: new message arrived Bad termcap entry Reverting to old tty driver... Thank you for using AT&T. The preferred steel for rodent protection is Type 304 stainless with a thickness of 3 mils. I'm TRYING to be a back end! - A Hume Stay clear of falling objects. 5/26: /unix2 out of pace please clean up!!!!! Redundant hardware is not cost-effective when compared to administration-mediation solutions. Warning: .lastlogin was altered since last login If it's Weinberger, I'm going with Ditzel. - rob If you have any questions, call Ralph Knag at MH x5291 Possession is nine-tenths of the privileged computer access code of ethics. Ignorance of the privileged computer access code of ethics is no excuse. It's not easy being Joan. -- rob Omit needless words that cause verbosity. rx: call to gauss failed: who_cares chown to owner: Not owner There are only 26 calls and most of them are trivial. In this country, everything loose rolls to the west coast. -T. Vanderslice, Apollo We have people doing a lot of fun stuff. That doesn't mean you don't wear suits. -R. Pampel, Apollo ROOT MODIFIED I don't have any courses for which I haven't written books. -Andy Tanenbaum Stop. (a0719) u wPM-US-Add a0712-a07rethan80mph.Thearrestingpatrolmanaskedhimifwantedtochecktheinstrumentusedtorecordhishighspeed. 07-21 0794 550 ians... User unknown: Not a typewriter DELTA backup is running, system response will be slightly degraded. tar: slg/duckstuff/desktop/UNIXpractice.drw/shortcuts.fdr/spaces?slashes.fdr/.@questions and comments.doc: file name too long The world should be full of Brian Kernighans and technical people. -J Macor If you keep an open mind, people will put a lot of garbage in it. A monoid is an associative monad; its underlying magma is a semigroup. 162 is unimplemented Norm does not protect against overflow. - cos(9.3) Content-Length: 0 In our system, /usr/include/sys is a hazard. -mvs Awk is certainly not perfect. - The Awk Book Areas of communication may be very busy at present. Gratuitously incomplete sentence. xyv: protocol fault for some string You are the sponsor for the account andrew (Andrew Hume). I am not worried about the real world. -Pamela Zave To 8 AM EDT /79: high 63 low 5, prob. precip. to 8 PM 0% to 8 AM 2147477332% Digital plans to offer a better solution, not a better product. - R. Glorioso, DEC I've got it! It's a triple helix! L. Pauling 1954. Incest more common than thought in United States RFC 822 delenda est. I'm not writing any more tapes, ever. -A. Hume. Subject: Please ignore extra headers I wouldn't take any advice, if I were you. The blue drinks are $5.75, the pink $8.00. You are unlucky enough to bump into all my rough edges. -A. Hume When you're getting fired at from both sides, you're in the middle of something. A vertical conference is a center-wide conference. - Steve Bellovin It is Unix. It is possible to overcome any number of these bogus features. -pjw "term/select.c", line 116: compiler error: bad bigsize: 010 Sorry, I don't know how to deal with your 'dumb' terminal. I am become death, the shatterer of worlds. -Baghavad Gita (quoted by Oppenheimer) The product classroom is marked pass-fail. An X server itself is not a big piece of software, only a few 100K. So, the next time something doesn't work, just push 'til it clicks. -Ag Primatic I have a different view of the world. -Andrew Hume. Show&Tell '87 For 40 days and 40 nights, you [Arthur Fadden] held the destiny of Australia in the hollow of your head. -Arthur Calwell The best weapon against breast cancer is early detention. Licorice is the liver of candy. -Michael O'Donoghue Al Schumann, that devil-may-care Intern from FSD is leaving Tom Houghton's Security Group. Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. -Eisenhower Is there no room for competition in the standards industry? -R. Hardin Now is not the time to be falling out of windows. -R Mclellan A universal thought dispenses with communication. ISDN is real and implementable. When a man celebrates his God, he changes his sex. The rays of the Sun are penholders which night gorges with ink. -- Reb Adal Warning: system out of share structures, using "root". Wed Dec 30 21:27:30 1987 EDT 5. Il riversamento = dump in inglese. E tutta colpa di Ken! Ken is an allem schuld! C'est la faute de Ken! Het is de schuld van Ken. I've got lots of bad examples. -td (void)vacuous(node); I'd rather have :rofix than const. -DM Ritchie To dissimulate is to feign not to have what one has. - J Baudrillard unlinking v/v1971/272; already have /n/bowell/usr/games FAILING HW: DEC Life is what the least of us make most of us feel the least of us make the most of. -Quine Received: from Messages.6.0.CUILIB.3.41.SNAP.NOT.LINKED.holmes.andrew.cmu.edu.rt.r3 via MS.4.0.holmes.andrew.cmu.edu.rt_r3 The better your 4-wheel drive, the further out you get stuck. With Basic you just use a GOTO, with Pascal you have to indent 99% of the program halfway across the page! -Ted M. Young (A Basic programmer for 12 years) You know your apartment's small if you can't tell its position and speed simultaneously. ... Forking an allegro process requires only seconds... -V. Kelly Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. Some day we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction. One hundred humidities equal one rain. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. But an autopsy on the woman's headless body failed to reveal why she died. For ease of arithmetic we call 256 the largest index even though it is really 255, except at 255 itself. -- from a manual Only the future is certain; the past is always changing. -Polish proverb A victory is the greatest tragedy in the world, except a defeat. -Wellington A victory is the greatest tragedy in the world, except SunWindows. -Wellington If you don't have a sense of humor, it's just not funny. -Wavy Gravy Noalias must go. This is non-negotiable. -Dennis Ritchie We are currently experiencing all printing problems Due to illness, the /tbl design review is postponed until further notice. Due to technical problems, the BEST movie will be shown tommorrow. We say space is 3 dimensional because prison walls are 2 dimensional. -Hermann Weyl Two wrongs don't make a right; three lefts do. I've got plenty of inputs and outputs. I don't need the video. -Andrew Hume Cannot open phone book for . Try a different company. con: connecting to coma We may be bureaucrats but we are not venal. -IRS Chief Counsel William Nelson Children can be substituted for adults in any case; however adults cannot be substituted for children. -Amtrak Education is basically useless, except for those rare cases when it's not really necessary. -Feynman Your 1 requests have been sent The book every man has inside him should usually stay there. - AJP Taylor X windows uses its hindbrain instead of its forebrain. -N Wilson Cryptogamous concretion never grows on mineral fragments that decline repose. The best place to find new dinosaurs is to look in basements. -Robert T. Bakker DUE TO DAMAGES, ALL SHREDDERS ARE OUT OF SERVICE. ?12 Machine check during machine check. Things greater than the same thing are greater than each other. -L. Carroll (Sylvie and Bruno) UX:cat: ERROR: usage: cat [-u][-s][-v[-t][-e]] file ...; TO FIX: refer to manual UX:cat:138 There are no known bugs on the old versions of grep, fgrep, or sed that will cause any instability in the operating systems. How do they know that flies carry diseases unknown to man? -BW Kernighan A fully declared Common Lisp program is as robust as assembly language. It's not who you know, but who you get drunk with, that counts. -P Dick-Lauder The knee is the Achilles heel of the leg. buf[hdr[0]] = 0; /* unbelievably lazy ken (twit) */ - Andrew Hume Only one man ever understood me. And he didn't understand me. -Hegel (on his deathbed) X is a temporary standard, like FORTRAN. - Andries van Dam Just think--IBM and DEC in the same room--and we did it. Makes you feel warm inside. -K Thompson Nuclear war doesn't prove who's right, just who's left. The downside of having an architecture is wart-for-wart compatibility. -Bob Willard, DEC When the dinosaurs are mating, climb a tree. -SC Johnson They made me a department head for little junky programs like this. -PJ Weinberger The longest POSIX error name is ENAMETOOLONG Hi! This is your favorite irritation -- Andrew! Optimal clutch power comes after eight to ten couplings. -LEGO manual rhknag 118 248 1 0 107 72761 dk04 R 903:10 tabs b f BC-DadaStream% 0Advisory 08-!9 0050^ thelist mofing soon. ^The AP A@-NB- 8-19-(' 1353EDT< sed: Too much text: s/blow your own horn/BLOW YOUR OWN HORN/ There is just a little bit of Star Trek in all of the love you feel for another human being. -Mark V. Shaney The two problems in supercomputer design are the thickness of the mat and getting rid of the heat. -S. Cray Don't store your records anywhere you wouldn't store your valium! "trans.c":31932:compiler error: out of temporary string space It doesn't matter if you don't know how your program works, so long as it's parallel -R. O'Keefe DAMNIT, I AM NOT TOUCHY!!!! (and you can stick that in your fortunes file) -G. Holzmann find: missing conjunction reading worm0 directory (a couple of minutes) Warning: .lastlogin did not exist, creating it Fungus doesn't take a vacation. -Rob Pike Murder should be put back in the home--where it belongs. -Alfred Hitchcock Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom. On average, pantyhose wearers buy three pairs per month. Hello new user, welcome to the Sun computing environment If you have any questions about your Sun workstation, please call CORNET 624-2772 "Coma" is not the sort of name I'd use if I were striving to present a professional image. -M Horton Facts are stupid things. -R.W. Reagan sendmail[94] AA00493: SYSERR: net hang reading from coma: Connection timed out during greeting wait with coma In the last 100 years man's capability started to grow exponentially, to literally explode. -E. E. Sumner inews: Article rejected: mvs included more text than new text For gift delivery anywhere call 1-800-CHEER-UP (except where prohibited by law). sh: /usr/lib/sendmail: too big How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work? JUMP DON'T SIT ?warning: write might change good version of `/dev/null' 550 backbone... User unknown: Inappropriate ioctl for device A lot about zarf is buggered. -AR Koenig /dev/rra13: !!counts may be wrong, RERUN chuck! There is no such thing as a Berkeley UNIX system. -J Herndon If your mailer pays attention to pathalias output, it obviously isn't dumb. - comp.mail.uucp Performance doesn't matter if your product is sufficiently feature-rich. --SF system engineer considering 3 files, 0 already backed up file transfer: unexpected return 'O' (0117) from backup logger remember, things can still go awry until your files appear in backup grep 10/03:System crashed 11am,Motor Generator Failure.System back at 11:30am. perform: Stale NFS file handle (Note: an infected 8800 is an awesome engine of contagion.) I believe that robots are stealing my luggage. -- Steve Martin. $ Editor (vi or emacs)? The reason you subscribe to a mailing list is you don't get all the crap you get on netnews. -DM Ritchie The Nobel Peace Prize is something worth fighting for. A fault is generally handled with a fault-handling procedure (called a fault handler) -intel 80960 ref man gets. A clock-tick of convenience. A process-lifetime of regret. -John Woods PLEASE LOG IN TO 3B20'S AT 4800 BAUD. Even consistent crap is better than random crap. - Brian Redman panic: pagefault as_hole looking on optical disk (this may take a few minutes) Ksh was broken on alice for a while. It hasn't dumped core lately - is it now safe to use? The difference between a computer scientist and a hacker is that the computer scientist knows what an exponential is. -MD McIlroy new worm (and worm-related backup stuff) soaking on wild. MS/DOS is not dead, it just smells that way For detailed information on the "info" command, type "man info". We are tied down to a language that makes up in obscurity what it lacks in style. - Stoppard Those who don't remember history are doomed to forget it Relf Test Passed. Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness. -Sir Robert Hutchinson SQUASH, do not crush (seen on a vegetable crate) A factor of 3000 is actually significant - Andrew Hume The difference between languages is what makes a language different. seqno is 21, should be 21 Trucks must enter weigh station when flashing. It's anl bart's fault! *** ERROR, The clock must be ON to execute HALT command rm: /n/coma/usr/norman/goo: File exists ENV='${START[(_$-=1)+(_=0)-(_$-!=_${-%%*i*})]}' Pure English is de rigeur. Think globally ... Post locally att!hoqax!lmg "Looks uncomputable to me" said Tom, haltingly. Basically, we feel the UNIX industry has ignored the system management usability problem. If you get to meet sufficently important people, it's ok to debase yourself. -pjw --rw-rw-r-- f 0 bwk bwk 58372782 Jan 24 12:21 .profile Take 2*3*5*7*11*13. It's divisible by 59. -Matt Crawford cc: not found Make checks payable to Free Software Foundation. WARNING: Your password will expire in 13 days These Robs,..and Conserves, are not to be given to costive Bodies. -- OED Copyright (c) 1984 AT&T. All Rights Reserved Both PH and FFF leave Ackermann's function coughing in the exhaust. You can get a lot of riding mowers for a college education. -Bill Cheswick Most programmers have no idea what they're getting into when they're programming in a windowing environment. -Mark Hanner I have just spent two afternoons in Summit, and I am not happy. -pjw Say what you will about the savings and loan crisis, it has done wonders for the ampersand. SLOT 7 IS NOT EMPTY, THEREFORE THIS TEST DOES NOTHING The system is ready. /dev/dsk/0s4 FILE SYSTEM STATE SET TO OKAY mount: warning: <> mounted as 8:09pm up 6988 days, 2 mins, 4 users, load average: 0.00, -91189828086942664000000000000000000.